Ah The Wizard. The story of a foul mouthed street walking girl who is in it for the money, a kidnapper/runaway who hates his father and wants to prove him wrong, and a retarded kid with nothing better to do, who go on a glorious trip to the Nintendo World Championship.

The movie bombed. Siskel and Ebert said it sucked ass. They usually refrain from using profanity on the air while they are reviewing movies. They said it was nothing but a big commercial for Nintendo. WELL THEY ARE WRONG! It is also a commercial for Universal Studios, and don't you forget it!

Where are they now, you ask? A good question. I had a chance to meet up with the film's star Luke Edwards, just recently. Luke's carrear has been slowly going to hell since The Wizard came out. During the late 90's he developed a $3000 a day addiction to fabriche eggs. He had lost everything to his name, and had to live on the streets for awhile. To support himeself Luke did the only thing he could do. Luke was a gay prostitute. Now after leaving that business and putting the past behind him, Luke is looking forward to the future. I met up with him at the Broken Dreams Shelter or 89th and 3rd.

I arrived in Luke's room, and two nice workers helped him get out bed.

twitch: Hi Luke. How are you doing?

Luke: Who the fuck are you?

twitch: So what was it like working on the set of The Wizard?

Luke: Shit. I don't fucking know. I was like seven years old back then.

Luke: (Luke started coughing for several minutes here)

By the time Luke was done coughing, the men had dressed him, and Luke said he wanted to go get a drink so we did.



So we went and got a drink. I suggested going to a bar, but Luke said he would prefer to drink Moonshine out of a cofee can outside in the woods.

twitch: So Jimmy, I mean Luke, do you have an future acting plans?

Luke: Yeah, I'm gonna act like you didn't just call me Jimmy for the third time, and try not to kick your ass.

With that Jimmy asked me very politely to get the fuck out of his face. So that concluded the interview.

YES DAMNIT YOU HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT!

Who is Roger? He must be some type of a man, to encite fear in young boys the way he does. When the bitch featured above catches the bullies picking on Corey and the gang, she reminds them of her feelings towards rough housing, then summons the hidious monster...ROGER. But who is Roger? For that answer I went to the diner itself and asked a few questions. I talked to the local kids, and was able to come up with three composite pictures of what Roger might look like.

If you have seen anyone that looks like someone in one of the three pictures please consider them very disgruntled, and extremely ugly.